Get comfortable, pour yourself a drink, and prepare yourself for some
adult content. This is, arguably, the tale of most evil of all the exes. It's not a pretty picture. Don't say I didn't warn you.
------------------------- Part One: Midgets and Lies -------------------------
It started out in 2008, the end of my sophomore year. Tyler Durden and I met through my school's musicals. While I performed, he preferred to build our sets. We partnered up while I
worked off my mandatory 20 hours of crew and really connected during those three months. We were
all over each other any time we worked in the same room. It was
clear that I was falling for him, but I was still broken up over Momento. It took
a lot of urging from my friends, but I decided that maybe it really was time to move on.
This should have been a decision that required a lot of thought and caution. He had already tried to make out with me in a movie theater while dating another girl, who I will refer to as Midget. Three guesses as to why. When I refused because both of us were in relationships, he left in a huff. Even after denying him that first time, he tried to make a move on me again in his car while still with Midget. While sitting in his car, waiting for him to give me a ride home from musical practice, he hit the switch that caused the seat to recline. He pinned me down and tried making out with me again. I had to push him off and demand he take me home. Although angry, he complied and stopped trying.
Mr. Durden was known for being a cheater. However, I
rationalized his actions by recalling that his Midget was also a notorious cheater. Tyler claimed that he only
cheated on her after she had cheated on him with 15 other men and women, which would be understandable, except I couldn't understand why he would remain with Midget at that point.
An unfortunate exaggeration, that 15 person figure was not an exaggeration. I knew Midget had slept
with at least that many because she had bragged about it to me in person. Ew.
Anyway, it was a very cute relationship in the beginning. Even the way Tyler asked me out was adorable. One of my close
friends, who I hadn't seen in ages, invited me over to spend the night. When I arrived I received a typical greeting from her. She asked me how I
was doing and I told her that I was kind of sad. When she asked why I mentioned that it was the first time in three months I hadn't seen Tyler. On cue, out walks Tyler from a back room holding a
dozen roses and a box of chocolates. He asked me if I would be his
girlfriend. This was my response:
There was just one little snag he hadn't mentioned to me at the time: he was still Midget's boyfriend. For about a week he dated the two of us concurrently before finally cutting things clean with Midget and informing me of what he had done. But, because he was honest about it, I forgave him.
We tried to keep our relationship a secret as long as possible, but this was high school and word spread fast. Problems arose as soon as Midget found out, especially since she thought I was a lot closer to her than I did. We had been friends once upon a time, but it was ages ago. I didn't really count her as a close friend. She was more of an acquaintance that talked to me time to time about the latest guy she banged. Beyond this, I had assumed they had split ages ago. No guy in his right mind would openly date two girls at once, right? You know, I'm suddenly reminded of a quote. Something about never making assumptions...
At first, she was heart broken. She ran up to me in the hallway, sobbing and hugging me, asking why I had done it. I can't really understand why Midget was so crushed after hearing the way she treated Tyler, but there was the added bonus of my betraying a friendship I didn't really think we had. Plus, in hindsight, Tyler probably lied about a lot of the stuff she did. So, to the world, I was clearly in the wrong and a backstabbing bitch. Great.
Then the real problems started. I couldn't pass her in the hallway without having her shout the word "Slut!" at me. That didn't bother me so much. I, along with anyone who knew me at all, knew I wasn't a slut. I was a virgin while she had slept with nearly half of the school. What drove me up a wall was that Tyler couldn't let these things go. Any time Midget messaged him, he had to have the last word. He wouldn't stop arguing until she hung up. However, he didn't have to deal with the reality of the situation - he was off in college land while I had to face her in the hallways five days a week. When she got angry at him, she began making threats involving my safety, not his. I begged him to stop, explaining my concerns, but he just laughed them off claiming that she'd never actually act on her words.
The threats of Midget only died off after I had to get the school
involved sometime during my senior year. My parents actually told me I
should just fight her and get it over with. I had to explain to them
that the mature thing would be to ignore her. Role-reversal much? I was
perfectly okay with just ignoring her until I began to receive
threatening texts. The school had the cops talk to her and, after that,
it wasn't a problem. I never heard from her again.
----------------------Part Two: Virginity is for Losers----------------------
And now, I will ask those of you who are squeamish to turn away.
*BEGIN ADULT TOPIC*
I lost my virginity somewhere around our six month mark or our eight month mark. The exact date is really up for grabs based on your definition of when one looses their virginity considering I didn't have a "cherry" to "pop". I'll give you both stories. Neither of them were what I expected or wanted.
In the first scenario, his parents were away for the weekend and he had invited me to stay over. We had messed around a lot by this point. By this, I mean we had run the bases and had a foot hovering over home plate. He knew I wanted to wait until I was at least 18, but I had also just started taking birth control pills. Although this was for other reasons, I guess he took this as a sign that I was ready for sex.
So, there I was, tied to the bed and blindfolded. Yep. What a romantic way to lose it. I was expecting what we usually enjoyed when it came to "sexy time". However, when I heard the snap of plastic, I knew something was wrong. I asked him what he was doing and he didn't reply. I was tied and blindfolded, so even if I could validate what was going on, I couldn't stop it from happening. I felt something enter me and I knew my suspicions were correct. I immediately told him to stop, and he did, about half way in. "I only wanted to try it half way" he tried to calm me. "This isn't really losing your virginity". I told him to stop again. He respected my wishes, took off the blindfold and untied me. I don't think he ever apologized, but I was perfectly fine with pretending it hadn't happened.
The second time, which was without a doubt sex, occurred a little after my birthday. We had been in my room, messing around and spooning. I had been worried for a while now that he wasn't going to stay with me much longer unless I put out, so in the heat of the moment, I told him to just go ahead and do it. I regretted my words immediately, but I felt like I had to follow through at that point. So I let him have sex with me. I didn't move and I didn't talk. It wasn't until after that I remembered he wasn't wearing a condom and I started to cry. He held me, trying to calm me down. I felt very lost after that. I expected to feel different - more like a woman. I just felt dirty and scared, but it was over with. I was no longer a virgin.
*END ADULT TOPIC*
-------------------------- Part Three: The Sea Cow --------------------------
As you might have predicted, this wasn't where the problems ended for Tyler and I. What started out as a very cute relationship of gift giving and spending every day with each other filled with suspicion and worry in ten seconds flat. I had started to work for Tyler's mother in the summer following my junior year. I had been making conversation with her about how his new job seemed to be working him very hard. He hadn't made it to my house until midnight the previous night. "What are you talking about?" she asked me. "He came home around 5:00 and told me he was going to dinner with you". I called him on the spot and demanded an explanation. He admitted that he had actually gone out with a girl, who I will refer to as Sea Cow, and some of her friends. He did it behind my back because he didn't want me to get jealous or suspicious of the Sea Cow. I was in tears for most of the day. His mother threatened to superglue his dick to his stomach. That made me feel a little better, but I couldn't trust him after that. I constantly wanted to look at his phone to see who he was talking to. I wanted to spend every moment of my life with him to make sure he wasn't with someone else. I was a nervous wreck any time he left for college. Maybe that's what started the slow death of our relationship. Regardless, we were close to another disaster.
It was a while before the relationship hit another speed bump. I feel like every time I regained trust in him, Tyler would screw up again. He had owned his phone for about a year. It could be locked, but he never chose to password. He suddenly began doing so. He would be secretively texting while we were out together, and that really bothered me. We could only see each other two days out of the week and he chose to spend that time texting someone else. Beyond this, any time I tried to touch the phone, he would snatch it back and yell at me for invading his personal space. My gut told me there was something wrong, so when opportunity presented itself, I took it.
It was a week before valentine's day. He was sitting at his computer and had left his phone on the bedside table. It was unlocked. You better believe I grabbed that phone and started digging through text messages. There wasn't anything too out of the ordinary, until I ran into texts from the Sea Cow filled with naked pictures exchanged between the two of them. Every nude he had ever sent me had been carbon copied to her. Or maybe I have it backwards. Every picture he sent to her he sent to me to try and relieve the guilt. I'm not sure which theory makes me feel worse. In addition to this, he had also sent erotic stories and messages complaining about how annoying I was.
I had to restrain myself from throwing the phone at him. I asked him why he did it and he burst into tears, begging me not to leave him. I thought he was actually remorseful. I didn't recognize that he was actually only afraid of being alone. So, like a dumb ass, I took him back. He wanted to buy me the world to make up to me the fact that I caught him, but he refused to call this cheating as there had been no physical interaction. I think his refusal to admit the truth made me more angry than the fact he cheated. He bought me dinner, he permanently unlocked the phone and he seemed to go back to his old self.
My trust for
him had been mostly trashed by this point. I felt like I had to spend
every waking moment with him for fear that he might try to cheat on me
again. So, when her 21st birthday rolled around and he drove out, you
bet your sweet ass I took the three hour drive through a blizzard, just
to ensure that he didn't sleep with her. I was pissed off the entire
trip, but one thing made it all worth it: screwing on that bitch's bed.
----------------------- Part Four: A Test of Friendship -----------------------
Once again, it seemed as though as soon as my trust was restored in him, he did something stupid again. This time, Tyler had become obsessed with having a threesome with me. I don't understand why, but once the idea crossed his mind, he wouldn't let it go. I shut him down immediately because it felt too much like cheating to me, but he wasn't giving up that easy. His brilliant plan was to go behind my back and ask all of my friends to have a threesome with us. Almost all of them turned him down. That is, all but one. She was a virgin as well and wanted to try things out. They almost went through with it, but unable to take it anymore, she let me in on the secret. She showed me all of their texts.
Obviously, I was furious. I demanded a list of all the girls Tyler had requisitioned for said threesome. I got some of the names then, but most of them at a later date when I broke into his phone again. Some were friends, some were girls I hardly knew. I mostly forgave him, but never entirely, and everything was peaceful again. Then the next summer came.
------------------------------- Part Five: Giving Up -------------------------------
I had been sitting in his car, his phone on its dock, when he received a text. Ever since I had caught him sending nude pictures to the Sea Cow, I checked his phone's texts every chance I got. I think the words from this particular text are permanently etched into my mind: "My legs wouldn't stop shaking" it read. I immediately snatched that phone up and read through. My worst fears were staring back at me: he had actually slept with this girl. Just so we can keep them all straight, we'll call this one Fugly.
Adding insult to injury, let me add a few more details. He had made it a habit of staying at my house until I fell asleep and would then go home. When he got into a wreck after falling asleep behind the wheel while driving for his job, he actually blamed my staying up too late. The truth: he was up late because he was screwing Fugly. He only begged me to go to sleep earlier so he could get back to his house and spend more time with her.
Like a chump, I took him back again, only because he placed a program on his phone that forwarded any text he sent or received to my inbox. It seemed like a decent gesture, so I gave him one last, halfhearted, chance. I lived my life assuming he was cheating on me, but he provided me with sex and fixed my computer for free. I was on the look out for another relationship, but I was too afraid to leave. I was convinced that no one would want me at this point.
The next summer, things really started to fall apart. I will, again, ask the squeamish to avert their eyes.
*BEGIN ADULT CONTENT*
Tyler developed a second fetish immediately after his plans for a threesome were shot down: anal. He often attempted it while we were doing other things, but he started to get really pushy about it around this time. He had looked up information on how to make it more pleasurable for me and one night, once again in the heat of the moment, I agreed. Curse my inability to say no during sex!
What I'm about to admit next is really hard for me. I never really believed repression was actually possible. I thought people simply chose to block memories from their mind. Yet, it was only a month ago that all of this came flooding back to me in the middle of a coffee shop, talking to some of my friends.
I told him to go ahead and try, but I made Tyler swear that he would stop as soon as I asked him to. He swore that he would. If you've ever thought about anal, let me clear up the rumors now. It hurts like a bitch if you're not ready for it. I understand that some people can apparently receive pleasure in this way, but I call bullshit. I tried to handle the pain for a few minutes, but it ended up being too much. I asked him to stop, but he kept going. The position we were in trapped me between him and the bed. I was afraid to make him stop because I thought he'd be angry with me, but I doubt I could have stopped him if I wanted to. I started to cry. I felt so hopelessly weak. It was as though every ounce of energy had been drained out of my body. I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't until he had finished, and then he just rolled off of me as though nothing had happened. I dressed myself and went to the bathroom to clean myself up as best as I could. Then I sat in the corner, hugged myself, and cried for a good fifteen minutes.
I was not only in physical pain, but that night, I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. It has taken me nearly six months to recognize that I was a victim of rape.
*END ADULT CONTENT*
Not knowing how to handle what happened, I let it drop and pretended it never happened. It wasn't long before the actual breakup occurred: July 10th, 2011. Things had been slowly falling apart, but I decided to ignore the signs. He had started talking to Fugly again and tried to hide the messages from me. The program he installed on his phone mysteriously stopped working. He had also been talking to the Midget and even invited her over. In a funny twist of events, she was pregnant. I'm fairly certain he was hanging out with the Sea Cow as well.
The icing on the cake, however, was how he seemed to be all over one of my closest friends at the time: California. I didn't think much of this at first. California had recently lost one of the only close friends she had and was very lonely, so we invited her to hang out with us a lot. However, things became suspicious very quickly. Any day that I was out of town or couldn't be with him, I would get reports of him hanging out with California around town. It all came to a head one weekend when we were at a concert. It was California, Tyler, myself and another friend. When he wanted to sleep in the bed with California and I, and he demanded to sleep between us, it was the final straw. It's funny how that small act would bother me.
I finally dumped his ass. He's currently happily in a relationship with California, named for the state she's currently attending school in. She got a tattoo for him. He's cheating on her. Oh, Karma. You're simply too much.
