My Second Evil Ex: ADD

ADD was introduced to me through friends. He had recently become single and had dated half the school. That made him a hot in my book. He was interested in me, I was interested in dating anything interested in me, so off we went.

ADD received his name because I'm pretty sure he had some sort of undiagnosed ADHD. He was never very focused and was hyper. He idolized Bam Margera and ended up doing a lot of stupid stunts to try and act just like him. I thought it was really awesome at the time, but I'm facepalming as hard as I can right now, I promise.

He was my first kiss, not counting my kiss with a kid named Jordan in Kindergarten at nap time. Oh yeah, I got started early. My kiss with ADD was only kind of romantic. It was a Friday the 13th under a full moon, which I find oddly fitting for my first kiss. I had smuggled him into the band section (students not in band were strictly forbidden from sitting with students in band) and hid him under the seat behind me in a blanket. We had been flirting when, all of a sudden, it happened.

It was at my Freshman homecoming, dancing to Nickelback's "I Loved You All Along", which he deemed "our song". I should have taken that as a sign. Actually, let that be a lesson to you, dear reader: any man who decides to dedicate a Nickelback song to your relationship should be dumped on the spot.
Anyway, we were at my Freshman homecoming where I attended as his best friend's date, who happened to have a crush on me. He asked me to be his girlfriend two songs after ADD.

Oh, and did I mention I was still with Momento at this point? So, yes, I was on a date with the best friend of my boyfriend all while dating another guy long distance.

Yeah, this is one of those, "Do as I say, not as I do" moments. The way I saw it, Momento was dating around a bit and hadn't decided whether we were or weren't in a relationship. It had been this way for at least a year and, hell, if he can have fun, why shouldn't I? He wasn't too happy when I told him, but he had to admit that there was truth in what I said, and so I continued both relationships at the same time. I called Momento every night and talked about what ADD and I would do and then continued to tell him I loved him. I would explain what was going through my head if I could, but I honestly have no excuse. The only advice I can give to you is to never keep more than one man in your life. One is enough to piss you off. No one should ever invite more than that in.

We lasted about two months before I started receiving stories from friends about him cheating on me with other people. I seriously doubt that any of these stories were true. I think my friends just wanted me to break up with ADD because I was in danger of getting my heart broken. Once a cheater always a cheater, as they say. I gave him some lame excuse about my parents finding out about us and not allowing me to date anymore. It was stupid, but he was stupid enough to believe it. We continued to talk and I think he might have wanted to continue dating me, but I didn't look back on that one for long. I had Momento to return to. Besides, he kissed like a fish.

My First Evil Ex: Momento

This was the age of MySpace. Everyone who was anyone spent their life there. However, while I was making available every last detail of my life on MySpace, I was also spending a decent amount of time on another social networking website called "Vampire Freaks". This was a version of MySpace for the gothic subculture, something I desperately wanted to be a part of. Goths were dark and mysterious and everything I thought was "cool". It was here I met my first boyfriend who will call "Memento".

I've told some of my friends about Momento. I lied in almost every retelling because I was embarrassed to admit that I was so desperate for attention that I started dating online. So, let me get give you the straight truth: we never met face-to-face. Ever. I told later boyfriends that we kissed. I told my parents we met in gym class. I told my friends that we connected one summer, but none of this is true. We texted, we called, we occasionally were able to chat via webcam, but we never were together physically.

After he commented on one of my ridiculous photoshopped photographs,

we started messaging and hit it off immediately. This wasn't only because he and I shared a lot in common, but because of another secret I didn't really let anyone in on: he claimed to have multiple personalities. There was regular "Momento" but then a second part that was, according to him, a fallen angel. So begins my terrible luck with men. I'm finding it increasingly disturbing that all of my exes have acted insane at one point or another during our relationship. If they haven't acted insane, that's because they actually were. Trust me on this one.

I can hear you asking it now: "Why, Anna? Why didn't you run away screaming"? Simple: I'm an idiot. At first, this fallen angel personality was a challenge. They liked to have arguments with me about my religion and have philosophical discussions. That was fun and all, but Momento and I really connected which is why I stuck around. We stuck together for two years even when things became verbally abusive. I was so happy to be in an actual relationship that I didn't care. Or, at least, I told myself I didn't.

See, it might have been a relationship to me, but it wasn't a relationship to him. To Momento, what we were doing was nothing more than flirting, even if he told me he loved me every night before we hung up. He ended up destroying my self-image through verbal abuse, but something slightly more serious. Those of you with weak constitutions, turn away now.

We had "cybered", meaning we role played sex through instant messaging. Despite this, I had never done anything sexual in my life. I honestly hadn't even masturbated at this point. So when Momento started pushing for nude pictures, you can understand my discomfort, but I did it anyway. It upset me that he was so insensitive about the subject, but I continued because I loved him. I became really concerned when he asked me to masturbate on the webcam for him. I wasn't comfortable doing it at all, but I felt forced. I would honestly consider it rape. It caused me to hate myself and it has taken me five years to attempt masturbation without feeling physically ill. Yet, like the idiot I was, I continued to date the asshole.

By now, I'm sure you've thrown your hands in the air and given up on my dumb ass. I couldn't possibly done anything stupider in this relationship, right? Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to continue to disappoint you. I caught him cheating. I caught him cheating, and I stayed with him.

Feel free to throw rotten vegetables at me. I deserve it. I endured two years of mental abuse and embarrassment that I only escaped from when Momento's own best friend couldn't stand to watch him ruin my life and roughly 10 others. I was apparently not the only idiot. "Angel", Momento's best friend, had to beg me to stop talking to him, and I finally agreed. For a week I wasn't allowed to answer messages or phone calls from Momento. Every night I would call Angel, sobbing my eyes out, and every night he would comfort me until I could fall asleep.

By the seventh day, I wasn't sad any more - I was pissed. I broke up with Momento. I blocked him on every social program I owned and I never looked back. Unfortunately, the scars remained.