Running Away (Freshman Year in College)

I had been waiting at least two years to escape the confines of high school and escape to college land, a land where parents didn't exist, there were parties every night and I could start shopping for a new boyfriend. I thought I was ready to move on in life, but a few things were holding me back.

If you go to college, I recommend putting your entire self into that decision. Live on campus. Dump your boyfriend back home. After a while, stop visiting home on the weekends. I didn't follow this advice my first semester and I'm mostly certain that this is why I was miserable.

My roommate Nicki Minaj and I didn't get along very well, but it's my understanding that no one ever gets along with their first roommate. I also didn't make a lot of friends this year because I was tied down to my boyfriend back home, Tyler Durden. Not only this, but I spent every moment of my life checking his texts through the application he had installed trying to catch him cheating on me again. I was trapped in an annoying waiting game. I wanted to see some sort of evidence of infidelity before I could leave. Yet, at the same time, any evidence I found I either tossed away or I just took him right back regardless.

The truth, dear reader, was that I was never looking for a new boyfriend - I was waiting for a new boyfriend to fall into my lap. I might not admit this in real life, but I was scared shitless that I was unwanted. I was terrified that if I left Tyler, I wouldn't find anyone else. Despite how horrible he was to me, and even though I knew he didn't care, I felt that living in pain was better than living alone.

However, I was determined I was going to turn my life around. The first thing I did, as a sign that changes were coming, was chop off my hair. Ever since I can remember I was forced to maintain long, naturally colored hair for baton and school dances. This wasn't a concern anymore, so I got rid of it.

In the lower right corner is what I looked like minutes before it all came off.It was the biggest change I made to my look in my entire life. Then, several months later with the assistance of Lily, I did something I've wanted to do since I was four: I dyed my hair red.

In my eyes, I had finally escaped who I was in high school I wasn't "Belle" anymore. I wasn't known as "that girl dating Tyler Durden". I became Anna.

While I was at school, a half hour away from Tyler, I was forced to find things to occupy my time. I joined every club that interested me: Harry Potter club, Humans vs Zombies, Roots and Shoots, the Residence Hall Association, the Emerging Leader Program and was applying to Honors. If I wasn't sitting in my room alone I couldn't be worrying about Tyler.

I also met new people; people who didn't know who Tyler used to be and only knew him for what he was: a selfish, egotistical toolbag. They didn't see him as who he was, but what he had become, something I had been unable to do for a long time. They were there for me when I needed to cry, but the were also there to give me a good smack upside the head when I needed it. I was, and am, eternally grateful for both actions.

The first time Tyler and I broke up, they were there in an instant: Marshall, Barney, Lily and one of Lily's poor friends who I met for the first time after I had chugged three Mike's Hard Lemonades and my eyes were puffy from crying for hours. They never judged me. When I pulled open the door, fruity drink in hand, hiccuping, Marshall only laughed.

"Got another one?" He asked. "Drinking alone is sad".

I felt like my first year in college was a miserable failure. Although I had met people, I let very few into my life. I hated my major, I hated my boyfriend, I hated myself. My grades were the worst they had ever been and I lost my scholarships as a result. I could feel that the following summer would be filled with changes.