This is a night that has lived in infamy among my friends. It's a night that I would prefer to never speak of again...But here I am, sharing my embarrassment so you don't have to live through the same pain.
The drinking escapades continue from Part One the next weekend. We decided to up our game and go all out with more Fun Day Monday drinking games. This time, there were two bottles of Wild Turkey between the five of us: myself, Marshall, Lily, Barney, and a girl we tend to refer to as Morgan Freeman. Last time, I was saved by the fact that there was only a half a bottle of tequilla to go around. However, Lily dropped out after three shots, then Morgan around eight. We lost Barney shortly after and lost count before Marshall and I decided to finally call it quits for our own health. We didn't finish all the alcohol, but we came frighteningly close.
We never finished watching that episode of Fun Day Monday. We all stumbled our way down to the dining hall to get some food in us before we ended up sick. It was obvious we were all trashed. I'm sure we smelled like a brewery. A cop was wandering the lower halls of our dorm that we narrowly dodged on our way out, so we were trying to lay low. All of us, that is, except Morgan Freeman. Morgan had convinced herself that she was invincible to humiliation, but also trouble. As leaned against Barney, fully relying on him to keep her standing, she began to play the Penis Game. We're not sure who she was playing with, but we think she was winning. It was obvious how drunk she was just by the way her voice cracked and her speech slurred. If there had been a cop in the dining hall, we all would have been busted, though she assured us it would be fine because she did this all the time in the dining hall. Of course, Morgan, of course...
We finished our food went back up to the dorms and sat down in Marshall's room. We then turned to each other, realizing Morgan and Barney had vanished. Typical Barney, I guess. Marshall and Lily insisted that I stay with them, afraid to leave me alone with how drunk I was, so Marshall and I settled in p where Lily could watch our drunk asses.
It was at this point that Marshall and I became violently ill. I typically would have been too embarrassed to go into the men's restroom, but at this point, I was too sick to care. Unfortunately, while Marshall was able to toss his cookies, I could not. I clung to the porcelain throne in a cold sweat, but nothing was coming out. I learned a valuable lesson this night. You may think that throwing up makes you weak so you might try to hold it back. Take it from me: if you think you're going to puke, it's better to force yourself to get it out of your system than to relive the following scenario.
The beds in Marshall's dorm were bunked. With all three of us being too drunk to climb up to the top bunk safely, all three of us were forced to lay together in the twin sized bed. I'm still not sure how we managed to do it. I was ready to fall into my drunken coma and sleep through all the next day's classes. However, as I closed my eyes and drifted off toward a peaceful slumber, my stomach lurched. Oh shit.
I sat up, my hand covering my mouth. I looked at the garbage can across the room, then I looked down to realize I was the smashed against the wall by two people and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I wasn't aware that I had eaten and drank enough to produce the amount of puke that poured from my mouth. Suffice it to say that my clothes, Lily's clothes, Marshall's clothes and the sheets were covered and ruined.
Lily, being the awesome babysitter that she was, immediately escorted me into her bathroom in a version of what she deemed "Advanced Friend Making". She ended up having to walk out in basically her underwear in front of all the guys because I had covered her in the contents of my stomach. She is a braver woman than I.
I was too drunk to figure out how to shower and had to stop every few seconds, my breathing becoming shallow as I broke into cold sweats. Lily had to practically walk me through washing the crap out of my hair, ignoring what I felt like were endless apologies. After I got cleaned up and Marshall changed his sheets, we all went back to bed.
I awoke the next morning confused to why my phone wasn't going off. I knew I had set the alarm before I started drinking. I checked the time, panicked realizing I had missed my first class and rushed downstairs to my room, minus a shoe that we didn't recover until a full month later. To my surprise, my roommate had my phone. According to her, Morgan and Barney had dropped it off earlier that night for reasons she didn't understand. I shrugged and rushed to the bathroom to freshen up only to discover Morgan Freeman desperately trying to hide the most ridiculous hickeys I've ever seen in my life. It looked like something had clawed down the side of her neck in three long, thin stripes. To this day, we haven't figured out what Barney could have done to pull this off. She tried her best to cover the marks with the hoodie and off we went to class and work, pondering the events of the previous night.
The events of this night ruined Marshall on alcohol for a full year. Lily and I couldn't stand the smell alcohol, even in perfume, for a good three months. Barney earned a new respect for alcohol, never quite reaching that level of drunkenness again. As for Morgan Freeman...She was back to drinking the very next weekend.
And so Jack Sparrow owed Marshall a new set of sheets.
No comments:
Post a Comment